- Every person must press his or her own floor button. Do not ask anyone to press a button for you, even if you have to awkwardly reach around several people to do it yourself.
- Anyone violating Rule #1 should be silently criticized via sneers and raised eyebrows.
- The elevator floors offer many interesting patterns which should be quietly studied as the elevator goes up and/or down.
- Elevator rides are perfect for using your Blackberry as a sort of prop to convey that you are an important, busy person who cannot be out of touch for even one minute.
- The lighted up/down arrows above every elevator on every floor mean nothing; for most accurate results, hold the door open and ask which direction they are going.
- When informed that the elevator is going the opposite direction of your intended travel, simultaneously do three things: step back, half-hearted smile, mumble something.
- Should a female enter the elevator, cease all talk and hold your breath silently until the elevator reaches your floor.
- Interlopers from floors 8 and 9 can be identified by lack of Targus laptop bags. Do not make eye contact under any circumstances.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Rules of the Amazon Elevator
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5 comments:
Nailed it!
When I first was here I said "Hi" to somebody on the elevator and they said "oh, you must be new around here" and left it at that. OUCH!
And that was someone from Weber!
Excellent!
In slight defense of point #5... on a lot of the floors the up/down lights are side-by-side with no indication of which light means up or down. What genius dreamed that up?
of course the side by side lights are also accompanied by audible 'dings' one for up two for down as is the common elevator convention
Steez's RULE for Riding the Elevators:
- Limit the number of known (or presumed) Amazoners to one, maybe two.
In the event of them flocking an elevator that you've called, don't feel bad to take a step back (even if it means darting through their group) and wait for the next, less-amazon-heavy elevator ride.
By the way, have you seen the ones that look remotely "normal?" Are they double agents or just gods amongst their bretheren?
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